I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
