I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
