think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize