Rock
Scissors
Fuck
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
