im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
