In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
