Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
where are you?
Hypothermia
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
