I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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