Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
