margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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