You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
