Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
