All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
