I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
my liver is dry heaving
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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