I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
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