moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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