I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
