i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
