Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
