my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
