He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Are we still banned from the library?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
