Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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