i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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