if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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