I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The Olympian is in my bed
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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