I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
