I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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