Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
