He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
