Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
