he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize