Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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