ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
