So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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