My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
