oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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