I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
