i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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