im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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