I need help removing her.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize