Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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