also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
