i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
