is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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