Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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