her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
