i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
