Can Purell be used as lube?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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