It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
