I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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