By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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