DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
