The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
only if we run a train.
done.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
