I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My bed smells like the plague
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
