Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
