So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
