Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
