we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
