he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
