false alarm. still invincible.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
