Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
