You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize