I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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