youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
