Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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