We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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