All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I could have mohawked her pubes.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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