The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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