I like my sex mixed with concussions.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
