69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
