The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
