I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
