I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
