so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
