Its about making memories worth repressing
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
