All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
