I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
