My first STD was from a foam party
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
