Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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