i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize