when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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