And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
