did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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