An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
