It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Princesses don't give blow jobs
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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