bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
