I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
