I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
