I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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