Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
