Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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