we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
