Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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