It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
