he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
