so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
